Returning to your day-to-day life after a parent passes away may seem like an impossible feat. My mom passed away in 2016 after she had been sick for quite a while. No one thought that her illness would result in losing her. In fact, we all thought she was getting better! Or at the very least, that her illness was stable.
I received a call from my father at 7 o’clock in the morning on Saturday, September 17. He was absolutely hysterical. Even as I write this it is impossible for me to describe what I heard and how I felt. I had never heard something like this come from my father and I hope I never hear it again in my life.
That moment set my life in a different direction. There are so many things that happened after that day that I don’t know would have happened if my mom hadn’t passed away. Some of them were good, some of them were bad, but all of them were lessons.
The biggest lesson that I had to learn was how to continue to live when my main motivation was no longer here. So many things that I did in my life up to that point was really to make my mom proud. I did want to make both of my parents proud, but I was very close to my mom. So, really, everything I did was for her.
I didn’t know how to go on and I started to become filled with doubt. I thought that maybe she didn’t do a good job raising me because I was trying so hard to patch things together, but nothing was working. I felt as though, I still needed to make someone proud.
I tried to make my mother side of the family proud, but nothing I did was good enough. I tried to make my father proud, but he was dealing with his own grief. And my sister is always proud of me. I didn’t have to work very hard to impress her.
Finally, I realized that in order to honor my mom and really make her proud I had to make myself proud. Once I started thinking about how I could pay homage to my mom while staying be true to myself I kind of figured out how I could continue living without having her constant support.
Of course, this is not everyone’s journey after losing a parent, but this is mine. This is a huge part of why this blog is even here! I figured how to live again. I figured out how I can give back and connect with people. I figured out that I really like connecting with people (it’s something that my mother loved too).
This is how I honor her and how I continue to make her proud.