There are days when you set your alarm for the next day, and you try to plan out the day in your mind. Then the sun comes up. The alarm you set in hopes for a better day is turned off, and you crawl back into my bed. You lost all interest in the potential of a new day. After hours of waiting for the sadness to subside, it doesn’t. The energy you once had is gone. Even with a cup of hot coffee, it won’t return. The darkness has taken over.
Depression is not a feeling that fades after an hour. It’s not a moment of sadness but a series. There are times where brushing your teeth can be the equivalent of running a marathon. It takes a substantial about of thinking and it doesn’t seem worth the fight. There is no quick fix. But the battle you face should not be tackled alone. When you begin to feel symptoms of depression, you’re able to familiarize yourself with those feelings of emptiness, and it is okay. It is okay to feel hurt, weak, and confused.
For women, especially women of color, depression is not a stranger. There is a constant feeling of suffering and internal wounds that surface from years of trauma. The hardest part is accepting that this is not the way you want to continue your life. When you come to the realization that the monster of depression has taken over, it can be hard to try and think about life without it. It can be just as scary as choosing to stay in the cycle of it. But with proper research and assistance from someone who wants to help, you become the best version of yourself. A life without debilitating depression can be the start of something extraordinary.